August 6, 2007

If I were in charge...

Look, it's me, Xolondon Simpson. Gorgeous, eh?

Anyway, if I were in charge...

Courtney Love would have a cupcake. She seems to be trading one obsession for another. The early leaks of her new songs (on her own website) do not suggest an epic, but maybe she is saving the best stuff. I also would release her version of Rhiannon.

At the very mention of Timbaland, Madonna would make dismissive swiping motions with her arm while trilling, "Hello and goodbye!"

I would not let Hard Fi release their album with this lame cover.

Janet Jackson would work with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis and not do "club bangers." I mean really, Barack Obama may become president, so could she get her fingers out of her... and do something with a higher level of social conciousness?

Rachel Stevens would be on the verge of releasing a new album to compete with all the diva pop this fall. She would come close to winning too. Le sigh.

Iri Lider's video for Jesse would be a hit on MTV because it needs to be seen by lots of teenagers. You can buy the song here.

Annie Lennox would do a killer video for her new single. You know, one with lots of costumes and characters.

I would stop confusing Shiny Toy Guns with Chungking with New Young Pony Club with A Kiss Could Be Deadly. I would give them each more than one good song too.

I would jail Pete Doherty for at least 6 months. Enforced rehab. I do not understand the London courts!

Lorraine would get off their Norwegian wood and at least tell their fans they still exist or don't exist. Their messageboard is shuttered and their myspace has been stagnant for 8 months.

Dragonette would put their Calvin Harris cover, Boys (watch a fanmade video), on their very good Galore album, along with a killer ballad and one more pop gem before they release the final CD. I'm not convinced it will ever see release in the US, there have been so many delays. Plus, the American music biz does not get this kind of pop.

Sara Bareilles would sit atop the Billboard Charts in CD sales. I also wish she'd get a budget for a proper video. Watch this recent live recording for Gravity. Wow.

Antigone would do a layout for Vogue Italia to promote her album. She reports the record is complete and we should hear it mid-fall.

Turin Brakes would have another song as good as Painkiller. (Tall order, but they do have a new album coming out Sept 17)

Emmy Rossum would not do an album photo that looks like a cropped Playboy Centerfold (see it here). I would also stop confusing her with Anne Hathaway. Emmy's music is Imogen Heap meets Enya meets Sarah Brightman. Very ethereal.

Joni Mitchell would not need to release her new Shine CD via Starbucks. BUT she has no choice - people will hear her music there and that is what counts. It's out on Sept. 25, by the way.

Vanessa Williams would make a really great, jazzy adult contemporary album. Her '94 CD The Sweetest Days is a lost classic. Solid album all the way through.

Queen Latifah, likewise, would do another jazzy album. Oh wait, she has!

Josh Rouse would stop bragging about recording his records in less than a week. Yes, it sounds like it, Josh. Two strikes you're out.

Marianne Faithfull would record an album of spoken word Shakespearean sonnets with backing by varous composers. I'm quite serious!

Titney, Nicole R, Lindsay and Paris would all move to Saudi Arabia for a year, where there would be a restraining order against cameras being within 200 yards of them.

I am on vacation now. YAY! Just for 9 days. It has been a crazy three weeks by my standards (which are usually not so busy), so I'm not overscheduling my break.


D'luv said...

About halfway through this I forgot this was a "dream sequence" type post, and got all excited about the Rachel Stevens part... then reality crashed in.

I'm share your thoughts on Marianne Faithful, too...Starbucks is very corporate, but it's great exposure for her new album.

I don't know who has the hotter Simpsons charicature... you or Mobius...

Anonymous said...

i love u.

Joseph said...

Completely agreed re: the Hard Fi cover. I get their point, but I don't think the execution is very good. And then to have Peter Saville of all people talking about how smart it is. He was doing this sort of thing twenty years ago but was a lot more subtle about it.