May 17, 2005

JLo: Ten reasons to hate her. A fucktard primer.

The sad decline of Jennifer Lopez

1) After only 10 weeks, her phoned-it-in album called Rebirth is #78 on the Billboard Hot 100 (Hell, Aimee Mann is higher on the pop charts!).

2) Nor is she anywhere to be found in the top 50 singles. Even Fantasia is on that chart.

3) She wears every kind of slaughtered animal she can skin and staple onto the edges of her clothes. Not only that, she makes fur a centerpiece for her "fashion" line. We know the girls from the block have the money for furs, right?

4) Her hair (above)

5) Her rat husband, who you just know is gonna start controlling her even more once she loses her crown for good.

6) Her in-need-of-therapy ex is having a baby with a much nicer, more genuine and equally beautiful woman, Jennifer Garner.

7) She is not the draw for her new movie. Curiosity about Jane Fonda IS. Lopez comedies come out every other week and flop. She has chipped away at her early actor bona fides by choosing to become a conglomerate instead. Yes, she was good 6 years ago.

8) Her hair (below)

9) She has put in the dumper a documentary she feels depicts her as the bitty she is. This would not be news if it weren't for the fact she has wasted the time and talent of its director, the great DA Pennabaker, who did The War Room, Depeche Mode 101, Dylan's Don't Look Back and the recent gem Elaine Stritch At Liberty. What did she think she was getting when she signed on with him? Pennebaker's camera presents what it sees.

10) Her fans are unable to come up with any defense other than: Anonymous said: fuck you jlo is awesome.. dont diss her

No comments: