April 14, 2011

Fishstick Paltrow is trying to kill me.



It is not enough that a Spence girl posed for the photo above?
It is not enough to constantly wear ugly gladiator shoes?
It is not enough that... Lady Macbeth!... married genial, scrawny Brit Chris Martin?
It is not enough that she now appears to be cheating on him with Matthew Morrison?
It is not enough that she thinks she is an expert on hiphop and rap?
It is not enough that she tried to steal a performance from Cee Lo and The Muppets?
It is not enough that she dared to sing Landslide on Glee?
It is not enough that next week she will destroy Adele's Turning Tables?

Now this skinny white bitch has CROSSED THE LINE. Gwynth Paltrow has covered* Kate Bush's classic This Woman's Work.

Click here for the full, autotuned horror

*By "covered," I mean shat her vegan, macrobiotic white-ass goop poop all over this gem of a song.

18 comments:

Brionity said...

It's time. Shotguns. Tuna nets. I don't care. It's time.

(Psst Chris isn't scrawny. He's quite tall. Scruffy yes. Scrawny no. Sessy yes!)

What, is Hades Caca going to cover Cyndi's True Colors next? HUSH!

5d1bf10e-4803-11e0-9ad6-000bcdca4d7a said...

Can't she be content with NEAR perfection? I mean... just ..well.. ACT? And write cookbooks? And design seashell-decorated lampshades in her minute amounts of spare time? I ask you.

Burn a Little Longer said...

I'm pretty sure the end *was* when she dared to tackle Adele. She's fucking insufferable - and if an opinion like that is so universal it's almost a fact, some shit is up. Apart from her general dislikeablility, her delusion is just so grating. Ignoring the GOOPy "it's so hard being me" bullshit, she thinks she can sing. She can't. She sounds actressy in the worst way. Make way for Leighton Meester, Taylor Momsen, even Lindsay fucking Lohan. You insult me and my friends who play music. We're not friends with Jay-Z, but the hell are you allowed to feel 'blessed' and 'accepted' by anyone with working ears.

xolondon said...

Well said, Burn... we are throwing down the gauntlet. Finally.

John said...

Up until now, she's done a decent job of building some cred, but NO ONE does a cover of Kate Bush until they've released at least two albums, toured the world, and earned the respect of MUSICIANS!

xolondon said...

CRED and Fishstick and singing in the same sentence? I knew you had a tragic flaw, John. I have uncovered it; this is a King Lear moment.

John said...

I said building cred, not HAS cred. I patiently await your apology.

xolondon said...

I have this to say back to you, John Danner Paltrow: Building schmilding!

John said...

Can I have the bank account that goes along with that?

xolondon said...

Bitch spent it all providing tanning sessions for "Mr Valentino"

countpopula said...

Is nothing sacred?

First Kate herself goes and says she is "re-imagining" this gem for her Direktors-Kuntz, and now Fishshtick takes a fin to this floundering tune!

As abhorrant an idea it is of tinkering with perfection, Kate is the original originator. Let's hope she didn't bring her Deeper Understanding of autotune to this one on the new kuntz set.

I bet I sing this one better in the shower than Paltrow does.

tommie said...

Oh no she didn't! To quote La Toya: bitch better get correct or I'll put her in check!

Andie said...

My way of coping with Paltrow everytime she does something annoying is to watch the end of Seven. It's getting worn out of late, particularly since she started singing. For all her yoga and macrobiotic dieting, Kate Bush could snap her like a twig. *rewinds Seven*

xolondon said...

Love it! Andie, according to my sources, you then need SPOILER ALERT LOOK AWAY! to watch the final minutes of Country Strong for more good times.

archibaldleach said...

High and mighty, are we?

xolondon said...

Indeed. It's just an opinion. Gwynnie has her legion of fans...

archibaldleach said...

I am no fan of hers, but I won't crucify her for enjoying music, supporting causes, getting married etc. I sing Adele in the shower, probably not as good as she does, but loud nonetheless.

xolondon said...

Don't take what I say too seriously.