March 16, 2009

If it were up to me, vol. 2



Antigone's Promiscuity would have a video featuring her in all the parts (the girls in the lyrics are actually different sides of one person).

Jimmy Somerville would return with a perfect album a la Marc Almond.

Magnificent would have been U2's first single from No Line...

Funhouse would have been Pink's new single

Pandemonium would have been Pet Shop Boys first single from Yes.

Annie Lennox would sex it up just a wee bit more, with a blazing dance track and red lippy.

Vanessa Daou would release a record as perfect as Zipless.

Sam Taylor would record with Ben Watt.

Human League would release a majestic comeback album, produced by Ladytron and Trevor Horn.

Folks would remember that Michael Jackson is the world's most "loveable" [cough!] pedo/paedo before rushing to the O2.

Courtney Love would keep it together and prove them wrong.

Every city would have a Virgin Megastore with CD singles.

Prince would fuck off. And release a Purple Rain remaster before fucking off.

Madonna would disappear for one full year, emerging with an electro-orchestral masterwork.

Patrick Wolf would release Together on his new disc.

Charlotte Gainsbourg would release her new single NOW.

Chris Cornell
would have never met Timbaland.

Kate Bush would release a double disc Best Of and all new remasters.

Scott Simons would get a full CD release.

Neneh Cherry would sing on the next Air album.

Miley Cyrus would marry her father and move to Bahrain.

Daniel Merriweather would have done a few contemporary sounding songs.

Tori Amos' new CD would have 11 songs (including one that is ten minutes long).

kd lang would record a Christmas album this summer.
Grace Jones would immediately record a new CD.

Beck would be caught in an illicit affair with Travolta.

Black Room would answer my email.

Ewan Macgregor would release his Marius DeVries-produced album.

David Gray would do a follow-up.

Janet Jackson
would return to Jimmy and Terry. Oh wait, she has!

My job-seeking friends would all get jobs making 60+k.

I would have a blazing hotel tryst to the sounds of Royksopp's Silver Cruiser.

If It Were Up To Me, Vol 1

16 comments:

John said...

kd lang would record a Christmas album this summer.

From your keyboard to God's Twitter.

D'luv said...

I don't know why, but this list reminded me of this t-shirt I saw in 2002 with the words "I fucked the girl in Hanson" on it.

Ha!

Paul said...

yes to Pink. i was heavily into Please Don't Leave Me for a week but now i've moved on.

Darren and I were having the same discussion at the weekend about Michael Jackson. He dared me to write "Support Paedophelia" across a poster of the events but i was too scared of even going near an image of that freakish thing.

Madonna - oy vey/ she needs to do something other than inevitably fuck up the greatest hits collection.

Adem With An E said...

I finally heard the Antigone album in full. Blew me away, my god, so incredible and my absolute new soundtrack to a Sunday afternoon.

Have you heard the ace PINK b-side/bonus track "Could've Had Everything"? I lovvvve it.

I still really, really love "Love Etc." and think I'm the only person who is happy it's the first single!

Agreed on the Annie L front. That would be marv.

"LOL" MJ. "LOL x 2" PRINCE.

Courtney... we'll never get that album, will we?

As for Madonna, I agree. After the S&S2Tour and inevitably poorly-put-together Greatest Hits collection, she needs to fuck off for a bit and have a proper, Like A Prayer-esque comeback. Pepsi deal and all.

I've been having a BIG Paddy Wolf week this week. And Tori/Hole too, actually.

Do you love "Impossible" from Daniel's album?

I would love a 60+k job too, especially seeing as I am now unemployed :(

Dan said...

You know I agree with you re: Annie and Madonna. But I thought of one more:

Cher would stop performing the same tour she was performing in 2002, completely revamp the set list, and release a rock album a la the leather era but still somehow of this moment.

Jason said...

I agree with the Purple Rain remaster... and it should include the extended version of Computer Blue... you know, the one that's on the f-ing lyric sheet!

Also, there should be reissues of Jill Jones, Vanity 6, Apollonia 6, The Family, Mazarati... oh hell, everything released on Paisley Park, with the exception of the Three O'Clock record. That was shite.

Matt said...

Can I add:
* proper remastered/bonus disc re-issues of Prince albums from 1980-1988

*Madonna to disappear and come back with an electronic album of Ray of Light 2.0 proportions and not look at the top 40 chart as a guide

*Morrissey to record an album with a new band, something acoustic or with piano or strings or electronics, no more RAWK; oh and remaster, re-release all his 88-98 solo stuff with bonus cuts.

*Courtney--my friend and I met her at a book signing in 11-06 and she said there was a "bidding war" for her album and it was coming out in 2-07. Yeah...

*Annie's Best of had a big stomping electro number on it

*Goldfrapp come out with something dance-y again, but fresh

*Human League album would be with Dare's Martin Rushent or maybe Xenomania

zen~ said...

My goodness, I can't believe you mentioned the lovely Vanessa Daou!! I was only listening to 'Zipless' in the car last week!! I even used the line 'straightening out my crooked past' from one of the songs on my Facebook line....!!

I ditto the sentiments about Madonna. I have been listening to Bat for Lashes' 'Two Suns' in overdrive lately, and it generally made me wish Madonna would make a more emotive and less chart-orientated album again....

theredradio said...

I like this one -

Neneh Cherry would sing on the next Air album.

I was just playing her version of "I've Got You Under My Skin" from the old school "Red Hot + Blue" comp.

DanProject76 said...

Pandemonium would have been Pet Shop Boys first single from Yes: Good idea, I cannot choose my favourite from the new album, which is promising.

Annie Lennox would sex it up just a wee bit more, with a blazing dance track and red lippy: Oh please do. Her solo career is far too safe and bland, sorry to say. She used to be full of exciting mad ideas.

Vanessa Daou would release a record as perfect as Zipless: Is that the woman who sang a song about the Black Forest? I owned that once. It was good.

Neneh Cherry would sing on the next Air album: Nearest we'll get to that is the Air remix of Kootchi. Damn!

daavid said...

May I suggest one?:

Karin Dreijer would stop trying to be weird (Fever Ray) and just keep on working with her brother and with Royksopp.

Stu McPoo said...

Saint Etienne would record with Pet Shop Boys or, at the every least, PSB invite Sarah Cracknell to do some vocals, dare I call them 'duets'....

xolondon said...

Nice name Stu and an interesting pairing for PSB and SE. D'luv's dream orgy, actually.

Stu McPoo said...

I'd gladly join D'luv in that dram orgy... I take it he too's a fan of both?

daavid said...

My dream orgy as well (although not in the literal sense of course, that would so not work :).

Anyway, it's such an obvious collaboration it's kind of strange it hasn't happened. Sarah and Neil would make a brilliant duet. I actually wouldn't really mind if it was just Sarah on vocals. I remember, when he PSBs site was open to questions from fans, that I would ask the same thing (would you work with St. Et.?) every month. They never answered :( I wonder if there's some kind of feud we don't know of.

Stu McPoo said...

No feud that I know of. I sort of worked with Saint Etienne for a few years, plenty of time for something like that to come up, but it never did. Not that I asked though. I can't recall any mention or reference to PSB even. The drum pattern on "She's The One" is nicked from "Being Boring", so maybe therein lies the rub? Unlikely though.