February 27, 2008

American Idolatry

Every year I say I won't watch American Idol until the final 12 and then I end up glued to the TV. Which is just as well, because my mother likes to discuss it and has been known to call my house at the end of a good performance: "The pressure on these kids!" she says each time.

This year my favorite contestants are:

Brooke White: Carly Simon meets Tori. Really pretty, talented and not trashy
Carly (Hennessey!) Smythson: Give her a break, she can sing and they will send her through the Idol machine to clean up her look
David Archuleta: Terminally happy, is he for real? Will be the teen idol
Michael Johns: Says he lives in "Buckhead GA" which means he is rich
Jason Castro: The pretty-boy stoner guitarist who probably enjoys slow sex

I want that Danny "I-Am-Jessica-Alba" Noriega buttslut off now. What's with all the tedious blond girls with names like "Kady" (oy)? Robbie Carrico's hair: is it a blond wig? What is going on there? Every year there is an "old" (29!) handsome dude like Luke Menard who will end up doing musical theater or soaps. Skunk-haired "Rocker Chick" Amanda is already working my last nerve with her raspy Janis-isms. And some lady has the last name Lushington. My Gawd. Small blessings: there is no Sanjay this year.


Anonymous said...

"Skunk-haired rocker", "buttslut" - I burst out laughing and spilled coffee all over myself reading your post this morning. Thanks! :D

John said...

David makes me feel like a dirty old man. He's going to be huge, Idol or not.

Danny is hilair!! C'mon! She's sass on legs!

Yuяi said...

Lemme say that if Robbie is found to have wig-age, I think he's a gonner. Do rockers wear wigs? Chris Daughtry does not! If you care too much about your baldness, then you're probably more of a boy-bander. I mean, right?! If he were on Big Brother, his ass would be up on the block! :)

Poster Girl said...

I've not been properly watching AI yet (I still haven't seen the most recent couple of episodes), but Paula's comment about Robbie being "authentic" or whatever the word she used did make me laugh--he really couldn't be any more "I'm ashamed of my pop group past so I'm going to be HARDCORE and ROCK...wait, this is what rockers are like, right?" if he tried. America, the fallout from our early 2000's obsession with manufactured pop is still wreaking psychological havoc on our never-were popstars. Let it never be said pop isn't a tough industry--it has to be what you really want.

I never thanked you for the Carly songs--I really liked them!

Myfizzypop said...

David A is adorable in the same way that Same Difference are adorable. All this sweetness in one year? I'm so going to get diabetes...

babs said...

I just watched it tonight as I was very tired and felt like sorting stuff was about all I could handle. And I've recognized one of the AI contestants because one of my students is apparently now on AI.

David Hernandez who did "Still Standing There" tonight on the Beatles night (Oy) was one of my students in ENG 301. Not sadly my favorite former student and certainly not my favorite class. But it's just abit surreal.

And Christian the guy who won Project Runway looks a bit like my student Zach, but that's not that all surprising considering Zach looks like one of those boyos with Asian t-shirts, funky glasses and that hair. It's going around.