April 14, 2006

Memoirs of Xolondon, Chapter 1



As a child, I...

1) Enjoyed watering the patio. I am serious. I would go outside and proceed to hose down the patio. I think I liked watching the concrete go from light to dark. It would dry and I'd do it again.

2) Wanted to live and/or work in a Fotomat Booth. These were tiny enclosed huts in parking lots where you could drive up and drop off your film to be developed. They were big enough for one person, sort of like toll booths. I was - and am - obsessed with organizing small spaces to live in comfortably. I was the type that built forts out of sheets and cardtables...

3) Would imitate Sonny and Cher on my front lawn. What does a parent do with that? That (S&C) was my favorite TV show (I know, spare me the commentary), which I would always watch with a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Friends know that I can no longer stand chocolate ice cream, but I remain ever-faithful to Cher. Diss her and I will promptly crush your gonads and then run away in tears.

4) Would cry at the end of every episode of Lawrence Welk. That may be too obscure for most readers. He was a vaguely accented Polish bandleader who had a cheesy 70s variety show. They'd play waltzes and polkas, and women in dresses that looked like nightgowns would sing popular AM radio songs with pleasant orchestration. The closing song went, "Good night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you / Adios, au revoir..." This signaled bedtime, hence the tears.

5) Would steal candy from various spots my mom had hidden it. This behavior has impacted me to this day, as I have a serious sweet tooth. People hang out with me and gain weight because I'm like, "Hey, let's eat a cupcake! Have a donut now!" I also know where the best candy is throughout the world. In the UK, I love a Lion Bar and Italy has the amazing Big Frut.

T
hat is me circa 1976, with Heather, my Scottie.

16 comments:

Paul said...

well shit the bed (what a hideous expression. Love it. Obv.) Weren't you an adorable little tyke. Not sure about the bowel movement ubershare, but just in love with this post :)

xolondon said...

I guess the Raisin Bran thing is a bad way to end this post isn't it? Maybe I will scratch that.

Brittle said...

Aw. My favorite dog of all time is also named Heather, and she's a Westie, so sort of the white version of your Scottie.

I too enjoy watching concrete get wet, although I must say that enjoyment wasn't enough to overpower my desire to...not hose down the patio.

The Dancing Kids said...

oh, god you know i lurrrve a young xo

piple leve in the howse
and piple ar nayce.

J'ason D'luv said...

Oh wow. This reminds me of last April when I posted about when my pal MoogaBoo and I became friends in 1995 (complete with totally tragic pics from the era), except that you were much cuter at 6 than I was at 21.

xolondon said...

I forgot that Krissy! "People live in the house / and people are nice!" Or was it haws?

Anyhoo...I am OBSESSED with Westies because they smile! You can see their little black lips and when they open their mouths, I think they are smiling at me. I want a Westie NOW.

Jason, those pics (and that story) are really nice! If I read it correctly, the friend survived but the lover did not? (classic!) Or wait, is the friend then the lover now?

I suppose I can tell a college music story at some point. My pics from then are not too scary. It was the grunge era of course...I think I already told how I gave Kirssy (PrincessYumYum) the gigantic Kate Bush poster, which I am so SURE is in her top 10 gifts of all time (actually I probably made her pay for it, because I was cheap, poor and tacky! heh heh).

J'ason D'luv said...

Right the first time. The friend's still around, the bf was gone by that summer.

Paul said...

awww this is all so lovely. J'ason, i love that story. See XO you have started something now... I will have to delve into my history. I have a 6 year anniversary with darren coming up and also a really tragic story with a friend called Chris complete with equally tragic pictures. I maintain that i didn'tdiscover fashion or any sense of style til 1999... boy was i a late bloomer. I blame an unhealthy obsession with the unrivalled tv show.... (mumbles) Blossom :) Still lovely stories guys. Hug!

cunty bitch said...

One of my prized possessions in my teens was a 1972 Sonny & Cher concert tour book. It was HUGE and had great photos. I earned it when I worked for my uncle, who was an auctioneer. I no longer have it, but wish I did--maybe you would like it!

xolondon said...

I ALWAYS opt for a tour book over a tshirt, CB!

The Dancing Kids said...

OMG YOU TOTALLY DID!!

To be fair though, you said to me, "okay i bought you a gift but i totally can't afford it so I am going to ask you to pay for half of it but when you see it you will not mind..."

how awesome is that?

I think it WAS haws. I have to find it. That is one of my all time favorite things ever. I always explain to people that they have to read it outloud and remember that it was written in Georgia. HA

xolondon said...

It IS true!? How embarrassing. Though I had to buy two and I bet they were like $30 each they were so big. That was a lot of moolah in 1989! I owe you a free meal for that one..

Still, that poster was so good, I think it improved my LIFE. I kept it on my wall for like 7 years.

ADD said...

My favorite, FAVORITE XO picture. I lerv you and your wee pooch. I just wanna fold you up and put you in my pocket. Which makes me not at all creepy. Noooo....

trill42 said...

Aw, so cute! And your dog, ditto!

I remember those little Fotomat booths! My brother and I built couch cushion and pillow forts but neither of us wanted to work in a Fotomat... forts are just cool.

I didn't water the patio, but on at least one occasion I put containers of water in the backyard so the water would evaporate and it would rain.

RonP said...

Not to make you jealous, but I briefly worked in Fotomat booths after college. Being on display in the parking lot of some run down strip mall isn't as glamorous as it seems.

RightOnPeachtree said...

I was looking for info on that Lawrence Welk song and found your site. I didn't cry, but I used to get so depressed as a child when I heard that "Good Night" song. It always made me think of my parents dying one day for some odd reason.